Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Nothing one

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me. I was psyched for 4th quarter to start, to push it hard for the next few months and have a great end to the school year. Instead, I've been overwhelmed because lets face it, it's been eight months already and I'm still finding myself incapable. I don't have the knowledge, experience, ability, endurance (or fill in synonym here) to pull it off. I have nothing left to give. The students know this too, I'm certain. "If only you had a degree!" or "Nothing degree!" or whatever. It's hard to take. I feel like I'm sinking under the pressures of being a Christian, a student missionary and a teacher. I look at the remarkable and profound people who surround me here and find myself feeble and timid in comparison. I feel like Peter, when he walks out on the water to meet Jesus but at the first sign of an intimidating wave he sinks because doubt.

And, on the topic of nothing, it is usual for villages in Saipan to have scheduled blackouts. In our house, we've adopted the phrase that many of our students use: "Nothing power!" Monday, we overworked that phrase because of a lengthy blackout during the day from dawn to around lunch time. So, "Nothing water, nothing air con, nothing light!" The poor Saipan economy is dwindling down to (that's right, you guessed it) nothing.

2 comments:

Whimsy Peddler said...

Well...you don't have "nothing friends!" We love you and are here for you and believe that you have all that it takes to finish out strong! The students don't know what they're talking about...most of the time. :) Your heart is golden and that outweighs any degree one hundred to nothing every time!

Love ya roomie...even though you're going to Palau without me. I'll hold down the fort while you're gone. :) Peace.

Sean said...

Jessica, you are my hero.

You are so much stronger than you realize and like Peter, when he was drowning, Someone is reaching down and lifting you up!